Why is it that life gets so hard in the end? I kept questioning my silly mind about this. In the midst of good things the worst had happened. I was seated at my house’s balcony reminiscing about the journey that never was. I remember the details of each moment as if it was just the other day.
“Hey, today you look really good,” he told me on an early Thursday morning. I didn’t realize that would be the beginning of my sad story. “Thank you,’ I replied back as courtesy deserves. He shook my hand and left with a group of his friends. I was in middle school and our classes for the day were through. Kring! Kring! That was my phone ringing.
“Hello, have you already left school?” Lessee asked from the other end of the line. I wasn’t sure of what he was really up to and his sudden concern about me. I chose to play cool though.
“Yeah I am at home already,” I replied back quite calmly yet thoughtful.
“Can we have lunch together tomorrow at the school canteen?”
I didn’t have the right kind of answer to give but……
“Yes, we can. See you then,” I said that trying to pretend how off I was from the mood of our conversation. Well, the date at the school canteen didn’t send any signals. On that evening, I went home and locked myself in my room as usual. My parents were not around but my elder brother was. I had assignments I needed to complete as well as a movie to catch up with. Before I could jump to my crazy books, I received a text message;
Lessee- hey beautiful
Me- hey Lessee
Lessee- thanks for today
Me- welcome, it was my pleasure
Lessee- I think I like you, I mean I am falling for you
Me- how is that so, we are classmates remember?
Lessee- yeah, but I can’t ignore the feeling.
Me- what exactly do you feel?
Lessee- I can’t explain. I just like you
That was the flow of our very first chat. I was confused in a while failing to understand how this could have been. I hadn’t realized that being 18 was old enough for me to chew raw maize and make decisions of my own. I was never taught how to judge people but he was not a wrong kind of a guy. He had opened up to me and it was my responsibility to give him my feedback. The pangs of life would be wide open to swallow my opportunity if I throw it to waste, I thought to myself. I had never had a boyfriend before and I really wished that one day I would get one. Here was the chance yet I was so afraid to say yes.
To the woods I took him with me. Where I felt I would be so comfortable to confess that I was gradually developing deep feelings towards him. Holding both my hands together, I looked straight into his eyes. He was pleading for the comeback love he had for me. I felt the forlorn bestowed deep in the core of his heart. How couldn’t I admit I was feeling the same? Why was I playing hard to get yet my all was saturated with the venom from his veins? But no, I wouldn’t say yes! He looked at me half disappointed and half ‘not giving up attitude’. “Tell me you feel the same, that your heart wants me and your mind thinks of me,” he said. I couldn’t understand how he read my mind but he was quite correct. In fact very correct. Like those soap operatic movies, where the main character uses his knees to get the woman they love, he was down on his! I was shocked. I mean, was I alive or playing part in one of those movies? Well, I was neither in dreams nor acting in some TV show. The only thing I was was to be the main character of my own story.
“I am not sure of what I feel right now, just stand up and don’t ever do that again to me,” I said not sure if my words were suiting the situation. “You are not sure? I hope this one will make you be sure.” He said as he grabbed my hand and kissed my lips. I felt the connection between us. It was far much beyond the three day affair of Romeo and Juliet. It was deep and for that very first time I wanted to shout to the world how much I loved him. But, I wasn’t going to say that. No, it wasn’t yet time. I was running out of time and soon my parents would be calling to ask where the hell I had gone to. I felt like I had wasted a whole afternoon achieving nothing apart from episodes of my new book. Why was I finding it had to confirm my feelings? Why did I feel so in love yet I couldn’t profess? Well, maybe the second time will be the right time, I thought to myself. I looked at Lessee and signaled that I wanted to leave. He looked at me and feeling so wasted he left my hand and just said goodbye!
The sun was dazzling. The weather was calming. Everything on that Sunday morning was suiting my crazy plan. I prepared myself quit fast and hurriedly I rushed to Lessee’s house. He was still sleeping and I was the last person he ever wanted to meet. Am not sure whether my timing was wrong but who really cares? I knocked at the door with no answer, the second time there was a response. “What do you want?” there went the unexpected question. “I want you!” I answered looking at him. He led me into his room and went back to sleep. That was a little crazy. I checked his wardrobe and got him some clothes to put on. “Hey, wake up, you need to get ready am taking you for lunch,” well, did I really say that? He looked at me looking so shocked. As a cool kid he followed the simple instruction.
Back to the woods I took him. Where we played a game not played by many. Where my emotions were well written in the branch of each tree and the swaying of each stem drew the features of what we really had. A journey of two was well cultivated and protected even from the rays of the sun. For the first time we wished the moon would howl and the birds sing. I remember that last kiss yet the first easy touch in the wood. That left a whole of me paralyzed and only a part of my brain reasoning. I call it the day that will never be! We were now officially dating. I thought to myself as I walked towards our doorway. The following day I didn’t go to school. He didn’t text or call me either! Isn’t that a little weird? I questioned myself getting no appropriate answer to why he called not. I tried to reach him but his phone was out of reach. And then this happened….
On the day that followed I went to his house. What I heard was beyond human understanding. “Lessee travelled abroad. He will call you when he settles.” I was shocked. My legs were shaking, my mind racing! What a saddening coincidence? He left me in pieces, which I couldn’t bind together. Being as old as I am, my inner person tries so hard to fight this reality. Where love lost its damn meaning and life, it’s just the version of the final piece!